Funny Friday: Jokes and quotes

 

Signs - Classic Short Joke

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Wise Words

'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal

Keep to the straight and narrow

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. they're trained for that.
These are real requests fielded by an American travel agent.

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Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent

Bad Hair Day?A New Hampshire Congresswoman asked me to book her an aisle seat on the airplane.  She did not want her hair to get messed up by being near the window.

Murphy's Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )

Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.
If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.
You always need more paint.
You never have enough nails, screws or glue.
The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.
Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.
To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

Silly Friday Chant

1 Tequila
2 Tequila
3 Tequila
Floor.