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Showing posts with label Funny Friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Friday. Show all posts

Friday, February 11, 2011

Funny Friday: Jokes and Quotes

 

Funny Convention

At a convention of biological scientists, Hannah, a researcher remarks to Pam, 'Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?'
'Really?' Pam replies, 'Why did you switch?'
'Well, for two reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, and second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them,' chortled Hannah.

A Friday Funny Story

Roger left for work on Friday morning.  Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.
Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.  Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'
Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'
Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye

Droll Traffic Cop

A traffic policeman stops a Maisie and asks to see her driving licence.
'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.'
'Well,' replies Maisie, 'I have contacts.'
'Lady, I don't care who you know, you're still going to get a ticket.'

Amusing Examination 

Father: Son, what are your results in the end of term examination?
Son: Underwater.
Father: What do you mean, underwater?
Son: Below "C" level.

Quirky Doctor

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a 10 Dollar note. Well go and buy something then, the change will do you good.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Funny Friday: Jokes and quotes

 

Signs - Classic Short Joke

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Wise Words

'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.'
- Infantry Journal

Keep to the straight and narrow

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. they're trained for that.
These are real requests fielded by an American travel agent.
»

Confessions of US Congress Travel Agent

Bad Hair Day?A New Hampshire Congresswoman asked me to book her an aisle seat on the airplane.  She did not want her hair to get messed up by being near the window.

Murphy's Law of DIY (Do-It-Yourself )

Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.
If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.
You always need more paint.
You never have enough nails, screws or glue.
The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.
Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.
To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

Silly Friday Chant

1 Tequila
2 Tequila
3 Tequila
Floor.