#1-DEGLAN RISING

Ten years ago, a legend was born among the Teken Clansmen; one Lord Arthus intends to keep secret.

Each Teken is born with a mark, but tenth year Deglan Borian’s mark has been morphing again, unlike any of his peers. His sleep is plagued with danger and a pale faced girl who is calling for him to find her. When the Teken authorities catch wind of his mark, Deglan’s parents encourage him to find the girl, regardless of where it takes him.

Daydreamer Meia is a troubled foster child who moves to a new home every few months. When she’s not in the clouds, she spends her time in a make believe world, far from the cares of the schoolyard. Normal ten-year-old girls dream of tea parties and dolls, but not Meia. Her dreams come from the pages of an adventure book and stretch well into the fantasy world and beyond.

Meia can hardly contain her joy when her new foster parents decide to take her on the vacation of a lifetime. The Cook Islands have been the backdrop for her dreams since before she could remember.

When Meia meets Deglan on the Penrhyn atoll, both of their lives will change forever. Secrets of the legend come to life will haunt their every move. Only one minor problem… Meia is a human and Deglan is… a dragon.

***
250 WORDS

“Deglan?” Mom’s voice rang through the heavy morning mist. “Deglan, get up! You are going to be late for instruction again.”

I shoved the pillow over my head and rolled over. The pale speckled face from my dream still lingered around the edges of my mind. I hoped to get a few more minutes in the fantastic dream.

“Deglan Borian,” said my impatient Mom. “If you don’t get up right now…”

I sensed her reaching to the floor and knew what came next. I jumped from my pallet as the book flew past me, narrowly missing. “Ha!”

“You better be up,” she said, unimpressed. “Carik is already waiting outside.”

“What? He said he wasn’t going to instruction today.” I peeked out the window to see the large grey body of Carik chasing a garden gnome. “Carik, leave him alone! Didn’t he already call truce?”

Carik looked up at me and laughed. “There is no such thing as truce to a dragon.”

The garden gnome ran between his legs and dove for his burrow, nearly caught by Carik’s swipe.

“If you aren’t careful,” I pointed at the other side of the lawn, “the whole lot of ‘em will revolt when your back is turned. I’ve seen it and it isn’t pretty.”

Carik laughed again. “Get down here; we’re going to be late.”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep your horns on. I’m coming.”

In the washroom, I gazed at my unfamiliar reflection in the mirror and cringed. I’d heard terrible things about the end of the ninth year, but this was ridiculous.

UPDATE!

Submissions are now closed! Thanks for entering.  The 25 entries will be posted Monday.  Good luck to all who've entered.

July's Secret Agent Contest

It's that time again!  Time for another secret agent contest.  Pay close attention because the rules have changed slightly and can be found here.

For this contest I will only be accepting submissions for kid lit.  That means any genre of Young adult, Mid-grade, and Chapter books. 

The contest is open from NOW! until either I get 25 entries or until Monday at 0800 EST.  Results will be given no later than August 1.

While this contest is only open to those with a finished manuscript, anyone who wishes to offer critiques on the query and/or first 250 words may and would be strongly appreciated. 


Good luck to all those who enter!

Query Critique #1

Thanks all for joining in for my first ever query critique.  What I've done is some in-line changes and then gave my overall comments at the bottom.  I invite ALL of my followers to chip in and offer suggestions.  Mine is only one opinion and I'm sure this author would LOVE to hear yours as well.  Remember comments are moderated, but as long as they aren't harsh or deragotory they will go through.  

Dear Ms. Souders,

Normal does not describe Ellyssa.  She is genetically engineered to be faster, stronger, more intelligent, and emotionless.  Not to mention, she’s a telepath.  One of the few lethal soldiers of tomorrow. 

**This sounds a bit dull.  It’s interesting material, but 1) it’s not said in a way that it would catch my interest. 2) it does not sound so much different than other books out there now. 

When I saw the first sentence my thoughts automatically went, “So?  Why should I care that she’s not normal?”  I’m not saying this to be mean, but I think it’s a good question.  Why should I, the reader, care that she’s not normal?  Also, what does being genetically engineered to be all these things have to do with anything?   What’s it mean to the story?  The reader?  The protagonist? 

 I would think about how you can spice this up.  What does all this mean for her.  Why is this important?  Why is this your hook? MAKE this your hook.  Right now, I feel like I’m reading the beginning a documentary.  LOL. 

Think of this as your story in one sentence.  If you were going to pitch this to me in person, but you only got one sentence, what would you say?

But when she crosses paths with a dark-haired prisoner, her world built around the concept of Aryan purity disintegrates. (**How so?**)  He speaks to her. Not vocally, but by pushing his thoughts through her psychic wall and into her mind. (**This kinda sounds painful**) An inconceivable possibility according to her indoctrination.  After all, he is not from her society.

Okay, so, why is this a big deal?  Is she a prisoner too?  Or is he her charge?  What is he to her?  What does he become?  How does she feel about this?  Why is this impossible?  And what does him being from another society have to do with anything? 

I should start seeing a little of the plot here, but I’m not.  I’d like to see why she’s here, what she is, what she’s doing.  I’d also like a bit more detail on him.  What he is, for example.  How does this make your protag feel?  What does this change for her?

Unable to resist the allure of his unspoken words, Ellyssa finds herself in turmoil, feeling emotions and running away from her life.  What’s worse is she isn't even sure where she is going or why, but what she ends up discovering is that her ideals are more flawed than she was led to believe.

What are his unspoken words?  Is it this that leads her to running away?  Or is it that he loves her?  What?  Why are her ideals flawed and what does this mean for her?  Why would any of this be a problem for her?  What does ANY of this mean for her? What does running away mean?  Is she in trouble?  Does no one care?  Is she going to die? I’m not seeing the plot behind this.  I AM seeing the potential behind the story, but I CAN’T see anything beyond that.  Why do the ideals change?  For the good?  Or bad?

What does this all mean for her?  What’s at stake for her?  Where’s my cliffhanger ending?

Take for instance the HUNGER GAMES.  Katniss has two choices, kill or die.  What’s at stake for the protagonist here?

PERFECTION is a young-adult, dystopian fantasy complete at 99,000 words.

Two things here, I would just say dystopian not dystopian fantasy.  It’s one or the other.  They may say to combine them later when you’re going to sell it, but for now stick to one genre or the other or you’re not going to look like you know what you’re doing.  And 2) You’re bordering on too long for YA.  I would look at your MS and see if there is somewhere at ALL that you can cut or combine, tighten.  See if you can bring it into the low 90s at the very least. But if you ABSOLUTELY think you need this amount of words to describe things, than by all means keep it, but I’ve found the more I write, the better I get at tightening and I end up cutting a lot of stuff I don’t need.  I cut 10k out of my last WIP.  Just saying.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Okay, all in all you’ve done your research on queries, this is in a good format. It’s in a good length.  You’ve got the essentials done.  The part that’s missing is I have no clue what this story is about.  I haven’t seen the plot.  All I know is that there’s a girl, named Ellysa, who’s a genetically engineered soldier that’s had something strange happen that makes her question her ideals. 

I don’t know why that’s happened?  What this means?  Or how she feels about it.  In fact I don’t get much of your voice in this at all. 

I feel nothing for your main character, so I don’t have that WANT to keep reading.  If there were pages attached, I’d probably read further, but I may not.  As I don’t feel vested in your character enough from the query to care. I.E. No Hook. 

Also, it sounds very much like every other girl soldier dystopian on the shelves.  How is this DIFFERENT from everyone else? 

Go back to some books you’ve read lately.  What made you want to read that book?  The book blurb, right?  How did it catch your interest?  Try to capture that and put it in your query.  Good luck! 

The cost of having an agent

Yesterday on twitter several people, including myself, participated in a lively debate on how a change to how agents earn their money might be necessary. You can check it out at hashtag #agentpay.   It started off with a simple question posed by Uber Agent Colleen Lindsay.  She asked, "How would publishing change if agenting moved from commission-based payment to billable hours?" (Now to give her and the other agents who participated credit, it was a hypothetical question.  Not one of the agents was asking for an immediate change and not many really wanted it--from what I could tell, but it did raise some good points.)


Agents are doing A LOT more than they were 20, 10, even 5 years ago and a lot of people including the authors of these agents feeling agents are getting underpaid for all that they do.  I happen to agree with this.  My agent has gone above and beyond her job duties to not only read my query in the first place, but when she signed me she already had a ton of awesome notes on how to make my story better.  She still continues to help me get my mss into the hands of the perfect publisher.  


No I'm not one of those people who "agent worship," but I do believe that my agent has earned every percent of her commission and really she does deserve more money for doing it.  


Now onto the question of billable hours vs commission.  I'm not a proponent of it.  For various reasons.  At this point, I could go on and on why I'm not, but I'm going to direct you to the awesome blog of Victoria Strauss.  I agree with EVERYTHING she's said here and she's said it better than I ever could.  


After you read it come back and I welcome you to share your opinions here.  But please no agent bashing.  I will delete it.  I will listen to both sides, but I don't want to hear about money grubbing agents, k?  Thanks.   

To take advice or not to take advice. That is the question.

Several times now I’ve stressed the importance of getting beta readers and crit partners, but I’ve never talked about how to decide what advice to take.

If you’re just starting out and you haven’t found your voice yet, there’s no shame in taking all the advice and trying it out.  You’ll learn quickly what works for you and what doesn’t. 

And there’s also absolutely no reason TO take all the advice you’re given.  Unfortunately everybody is going to have a different vision of where you’re going.  Some will agree with yours, others won’t. 

The best thing I can tell you to do is to read ALL the advice and sleep on it.  Take as long as you need to really digest what they’re telling you.  Even if you completely agree with the advice, take some time.  You’ll find that you may not agree with it, or not completely, after you’ve thought about it for a while or just the opposite, you’ll find that that advice you thought was complete bunk was PERFECT. 

Sometimes you may even find that the advice is great, but it’s just not going to work with your story.  Sometimes you need an unreliable narrator or you want to have a hero/heroine that’s unlikeable. 

There is no cookie cutter in writing.  Everyone’s story should be different.  SO while you should take in all the advice you’re given the true skill to writing is determining which advice to take and which to leave on the wayside.

Another Blog Award.

 This award is the Versatile Blogger award and it comes with a few rules.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason! (In no particular order…)
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

Seven random things you may or may not have wanted to know about me:

1. I'm a military veteran and served in the second Iraqi War.
2. My favorite anime is The Ouran Host Club.
3. My second child came into the world after only 7 minutes and the doctor almost didn't make it.
4.  I'm TERRIFIED of clowns.
5. I wanted to be a Marine Biologist since I was 10, but I'm afraid to swim in the ocean.
6. I was a theatre/band geek in middle and high school (but I didn't join my high schools marching band)
7. I'm freaked out by spiders, centipedes and roaches, but I LOVE reptiles, especially snakes.

And here are the 15 blogs that I’d like to recommend to you:

The girls from Oasis For YA:

* Jessie  at The Daily Harrell
* Sheri at Writer’s Ally
* Nikki (who gave me this award) of her self-titled blog
* AE Rought at Love, Light and Shadows

My Fave bloggers:

* Liz Czukas at her self-titled blog
* Larissa Hardesty at Larissa's World
* Jaclyn Dolamore at her self titled blog
* Kristi LaPointe at Mommy Barbie
* Adventure's In Children's Publishing
* Leah Crichton at her self titled blog
* MJ Heiser at Dispatches from Jaenrye
* Slushpile hero
* Jody Hedlund at her self-titled blog
* Lynn Rush at Catch the Rush
* Jordan Deen at her self titled blog

Bring a little real life to the imaginary.

Today’s post.  Taking our characters from those nearest and dearest to us.  Or those we just happen to pass by.

Most writers are observers.  My husband calls it nosey, but I’m sticking with observing.  :D  We people watch.  Listen in on conversations. Study how people interact with each other.  For most of us, we’ve done this our whole lives without even realizing it.  Others it’s taken some getting used to, but if you’re a writer, you’re going to do it at one point or another.

Take for instance, the day my husband and I were waiting in the hospital’s laboratory for my daughter to get some blood drawn.  I was taking care of my daughter—making sure she didn’t run away.  :D—when my husband pokes me in the side.  “Look over there,” he said and tilted his head in the direction of an elderly lady being pushed in a wheelchair by a radiology tech.

That, of course, wasn’t the part that was funny, it was the fact that the woman was talking at the top of her voice—I say talking because I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to be so loud.  Anyway she’s asking the tech why they always do that to her and why couldn’t they just leave her be.

At first I felt sorry for her, here she was probably about 80 or 90 and she was getting poked and proded when all she wanted was to be left alone.

But the more she and the tech “talked,” I realized it wasn’t that at all.  It was the fact that the elderly woman (we'll call her WW from now on) was upset about being pushed to the waiting room after her procedure.  She wanted to go talk with the woman who checked her in.

Now I have to give credit to the tech.  She never once got angry or nasty with WW, no matter how much WW dished out.  The tech quietly explained that WW had to wait there so the transport company would pick her up. And no she couldn’t see the lady who checked her in because she was with other patients. 

She told her she’d be right back and she was going to call the transport company and then locked the wheels on the chair.  She turned to the receptionist behind her and asked for her to watch WW.  The receptionist wasn’t happy about doing it, but nodded and the tech took off toward radiology again, presumably to get the transport company’s number from WW's chart. 

The minute the tech disappeared, WW unlocked the wheels and propelled herself toward the check in lady--who was done the hall in one of the three rooms designated for it. The receptionist paid no attention to her.  I’m not sure if she didn’t care or just didn’t notice--honestly I don't think she liked working there.  She wasn't really all that nice.

 Since WW was still talking very loudly I heard her plainly tell the check-in woman that she hadn’t been seen for her test yet.  All she’d had done was moved from one side of the waiting room to the other, which of course wasn’t true.  I saw the tech wheel her in from radiology. 

I don’t know what happened after, because we got called in for bloodwork, but I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.  My husband was the same.  It was hilarious.  It really was. 

And I knew I’d have to use that lady in a book.  She was too funny not too. 

On the other hand, the other day I was shopping and I had a full cart and two screaming kids.  I was embarrassed and frustrated so I went up to the first cash register and waited.  The minute I got up to him, he took a look at my cart, then me (with my hair standing up on end, I’m sure) and took out his closed sign.  “Sorry, Ma’am,” he told me.  “I’m closed.  You’ll have to find another register.”

I’ve worked in retail so I know this was a big “no-no,” so I said, “ You can’t do that.  You were just open.  You have to wait until you’re finished with the line.”

He smiled.  “I’m closed.  Go somewhere else.” And then he walked away. 

Needless to say I was pissed.  I did go to another register, but I made sure the poor woman running that one knew exactly what happened.  I was still polite about it, but what I really wanted to do was rant and rave.  Instead, I’ve decided to write him into a murder mystery I’ve been playing around with and use him as one of the victims. 

I’m not a violent person, but boy did I come up with a great opening scene for that book.  :D 

What real-life experiences have motivated you to tweak them and use them in a book?    

Sorry for the silence

Sorry for the silence guys.  Been a bit busy lately, but the good news is I think I finally found what I need to get focused again.  To see what it was that showed me what I was doing wrong, please check out my blog post at Oasis for YA. 


Otherwise, I'll be back into the swing of it again next week and I'll be kicking off the week with another contest.  A book giveaway.  So please stop on by.  And also July 1 will be the start of my second Secret Agent contest.  More details to follow. 

The results are in!

Before I get into the winners I'd like to introduce my SA for the month of May.  Ms. Natalie Fischer of the Sandra Dijkstra agency (ie my agent as I'm sure some of you have already guessed). She is truly an "awesome agent" as one of my agency sisters has dubbed her and I'm so glad that she helped make my first Secret Agent contest a success.  Thank you, Natalie!

NATALIE M. FISCHER is a Literary Agent and Assistant at the Dijkstra Agency. She is in charge of managing permission requests and foreign tax, among other things. An honors graduate of the University of San Diego, California, Natalie holds a BA in Literature/Writing. She started as an intern at the Agency in 2007, after which time she left to write author profiles and book reviews for the San Diego Union Tribune. Finding that journalism was not for her, she returned to work full-time at the Dijkstra Agency in April 2009.
Natalie is actively seeking new clients, and is especially interested in talented, hard-working new authors with a fresh, unique voice and hook. Her specialty is commercial fiction, with an emphasis in children’s literature (from picture book-YA/Teen), romance (contemporary and historical), historical fiction, multi-cultural fiction, paranormal, sci-fi/fantasy in YA or romance only, fairy-tale/legend spin-offs, and “beautiful dark” novels. She will also consider select memoir (has to be really unique) and that amazing project she never even knew she was looking for! She is always drawn to an open and positive attitude in an author, good grammar, and fantastical, engaging and sexy plots.
Natalie is not interested in thrillers, "boy" books, ABC books, bug books, spiritual guides/novels, and books geared toward the Christian market.  (BIO and picture courtesy of her agency's website.)

Before I announce the winners, I'd like to post the interview that she was so gracious to do with me, just so we can get a better feeling for this "awesome agent." 

JS:  How did you become an agent?

NF:  By writing and interning. By writing, I learned what the heck an agent was, and by interning at the agency for two years and doing first reads and edits for romance agent Kevan Lyon (now of Marsal Lyon Literary), I learned exactly what an agent does. After starting a position here at the Dijkstra Agency in 2009 and getting the green light in September to start building my own list, I was an agent!

JS:  Tell us about a recent project you’ve sold.  (You can skip this one if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it.)

NF:  Most recent project was a lovely, lovely picture book, called RED IS A CHILI PEPPER (title pending). It’s quite an inspiring story, actually, how this one came about. The manuscript was sent in to the editor last SEPTEMBER, and, only last MARCH did she have time to really read and decide she loved it! It can take quite a while for things to happen in this business (especially in children’s literature), so don’t give up!

JS:  Are there any books coming out now that have you excited?

NF:  Oy, I just want to catch up with my already-purchased reading before I even think about this question. I have a two-foot pile next to my desk of MUST reads, and a bookshelf of unread books to read…eventually.

JS:  What are you looking for right now when tackling the slush pile?

NF:  RIGHT NOW at this moment, I’m looking for well-written, steamy romances (I’d love to find a time-travel romance, or a GOOD Regency or Victorian, or something like Jude Deveraux’s TEMPTATION) and REALLY unique fantasy/sci-fi YA. As in, not just a spin off, but in a whole class of its own. Also, well-written, well-plotted historical fiction.

JS:  What are you sick of seeing in queries that come across your desk?

NF:  Vampire novels, adult chick lit, “this is exclusive” even though we’re a no response if not interested agency, rhetorical questions, typos, a FANTASTIC premise that isn’t well-executed, pictures, abuse memoirs, and really, anything that makes me go “ick.”

JS:  Name three things that make you stop reading every time they crop up in a submission.

NF:

1.     Word count 100,000 or over

2.     Present tense (this is SO hard to do in my opinion)

3.     Whiney, bratty, snotty, or rude characters (snarky is ok)

JS:  How do you know when you’ve got “the one” sitting in front of you?

NF:  If I’ve read it and I want to write back to the author at one o’clock in the morning OMG but have to restrain myself to remain professional.

JS:  Will you be at any upcoming writers’ conferences where writers can meet and pitch you?

NF:  The next event I have scheduled is a panel at the Ventura Book Festival in July, and after that I’ll be at the Society of Southwestern Authors’ Conference in AZ. Staying pretty local for a while.

JS:  Do you have any advice on how writers can maximize their success in this changing industry?

NF:  Keep reading. The best way to soak in what you want to write is to read it, see what’s out there and what’s working. Stay tuned to discussions on Twitter, blogs, etc. And keep on persevering.

JS:  What is something about you writers would be surprised to hear?

NF:  I’m pretty “superstitious,” you might say. Any time I pass a patch of clovers I look for a four-leafed one (my five-leaf clover is taped to my computer). I believe in gut “feelings” and intuition, like to consult the online magic-eight ball on occasion (though, so far, it hasn’t really been all that reliable), and am a through-and-through Cancer. I also keep thinking of these fantastic ideas for novels that I’m never going to write. L

I’d also like to add that I’m pretty approachable. I know most agents and editors scare the bejeebes out of writers, but really, we’re just over-caffeinated book nerds like you. I hate getting calls about submissions, but emailed questions I’m always happy to answer. 

And I’m obsessed with SUPERNATURAL. And cats.

JS:  Best piece(s) of advice we haven’t talked about yet?

NF:  One of my favorite quotes comes from Lady Gaga, speaking to her younger self: “Don’t give up bitch; you’ve got a long way to go.”

JS:  How hands-on are you in terms of editing? How much input do you expect to have with your clients’ work?

NF:  I’m pretty well known as a hands-on agent. I expect any client I sign to be open to suggestion, and I always discuss this upfront. I don’t expect to re-write a book, and I also expect to have to back off if the writer absolutely feels that what I’m suggesting is not best for their work. I really enjoy a collaborative working relationship.

JS:  Best way for writers to submit to you?

NF:  Hard copy, unless requested, then by email. Submission guidelines are available at www.dijkstraagency.com

Bonus Question: What is your favorite way to relax on a warm summer’s eve?

NF:  Drink wine and play Pictionary with a small group of good friends.

And now the news you've all been patiently waiting for:  the winners of  my first Secret Agent Contest.


Dear Secret Agent contestants,

Thank you for entering! I had such a hard time judging; there were SO many
close calls on this one. I literally sat on my bed for hours with the
submissions spread before me, biting my nails to get it perfect!

Congratulations to the honorable mentions:

#10 - Perfection - what gave me pause on this was the word count, and that
Ellyssa is perfect.

#9 - The Other Life - This was great; I just wasn't convinced there was much
of a hook past the post-apocalyptic setting

#8 - Everything That Matters - Although I really liked the premise, the
mistakes in the query and sample writing gave me pause. The author doesn't
know if it's romance or women's fic, para two sent one needs a semi-colon,
and an extra "a" in the second para of writing.

#7 - Pretty Girls Make Graves - The author has a great voice, but the query
confused me a bit. Is she literally haunted? Is it a serial-killer mystery
or a paranormal? Both? It's a little short as well.

#6 - Confessions of the World's Oldest Shotgun Bride - This was, again,
great, but it's very short, and relies very heavily on the cougar hook.

#5 - Secrets Revealed - What a wonderful, unique premise. I was incredibly
intrigued -- and at the same time, incredibly confused. It was well-written,
but I just wasn't sure what to make of it!

#4 - Preyers - This was ALMOST in my top 3, but the word count made me know
that it needed cutting without even reading more!


And...drum roll please!


#3 - Lure - winner of a 25 page critique!

#2 - Tempest - winner of a 50 page critique!

#1 - Fated Mishaps - winner of a full ms critique!


Jessica, thank you so much for having me guest judge; congratulations to all
winners!

Sincerely,
Natalie Fischer
Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency

Congratulations to these three winners!  Please email me for instructions on how to get your manuscripts to Natalie! 

~JA