It's that time again! Time for another secret agent contest. Pay close attention because the rules have changed slightly and can be found here.
For this contest I will only be accepting submissions for kid lit. That means any genre of Young adult, Mid-grade, and Chapter books.
The contest is open from NOW! until either I get 25 entries or until Monday at 0800 EST. Results will be given no later than August 1.
While this contest is only open to those with a finished manuscript, anyone who wishes to offer critiques on the query and/or first 250 words may and would be strongly appreciated.
Thanks all for joining in for my first ever query critique. What I've done is some in-line changes and then gave my overall comments at the bottom. I invite ALL of my followers to chip in and offer suggestions. Mine is only one opinion and I'm sure this author would LOVE to hear yours as well. Remember comments are moderated, but as long as they aren't harsh or deragotory they will go through.
Dear Ms. Souders,
Normal does not describe Ellyssa. She is genetically engineered to be faster, stronger, more intelligent, and emotionless. Not to mention, she’s a telepath. One of the few lethal soldiers of tomorrow.
**This sounds a bit dull. It’s interesting material, but 1) it’s not said in a way that it would catch my interest. 2) it does not sound so much different than other books out there now.
When I saw the first sentence my thoughts automatically went, “So? Why should I care that she’s not normal?” I’m not saying this to be mean, but I think it’s a good question. Why should I, the reader, care that she’s not normal? Also, what does being genetically engineered to be all these things have to do with anything? What’s it mean to the story? The reader? The protagonist?
I would think about how you can spice this up. What does all this mean for her. Why is this important? Why is this your hook? MAKE this your hook. Right now, I feel like I’m reading the beginning a documentary. LOL.
Think of this as your story in one sentence. If you were going to pitch this to me in person, but you only got one sentence, what would you say?
But when she crosses paths with a dark-haired prisoner, her world built around the concept of Aryan purity disintegrates. (**How so?**) He speaks to her.Not vocally, but by pushing his thoughts through her psychic wall and into her mind. (**This kinda sounds painful**) An inconceivable possibility according to her indoctrination. After all, he is not from her society.
Okay, so, why is this a big deal? Is she a prisoner too? Or is he her charge? What is he to her? What does he become? How does she feel about this? Why is this impossible? And what does him being from another society have to do with anything?
I should start seeing a little of the plot here, but I’m not. I’d like to see why she’s here, what she is, what she’s doing. I’d also like a bit more detail on him. What he is, for example. How does this make your protag feel? What does this change for her?
Unable to resist the allure of his unspoken words, Ellyssa finds herself in turmoil, feeling emotions and running away from her life. What’s worse is she isn't even sure where she is going or why, but what she ends up discovering is that her ideals are more flawed than she was led to believe.
What are his unspoken words? Is it this that leads her to running away? Or is it that he loves her? What? Why are her ideals flawed and what does this mean for her? Why would any of this be a problem for her? What does ANY of this mean for her? What does running away mean? Is she in trouble? Does no one care? Is she going to die? I’m not seeing the plot behind this. I AM seeing the potential behind the story, but I CAN’T see anything beyond that. Why do the ideals change? For the good? Or bad?
What does this all mean for her? What’s at stake for her? Where’s my cliffhanger ending?
Take for instance the HUNGER GAMES. Katniss has two choices, kill or die. What’s at stake for the protagonist here?
PERFECTION is a young-adult, dystopian fantasy complete at 99,000 words.
Two things here, I would just say dystopian not dystopian fantasy. It’s one or the other. They may say to combine them later when you’re going to sell it, but for now stick to one genre or the other or you’re not going to look like you know what you’re doing. And 2) You’re bordering on too long for YA. I would look at your MS and see if there is somewhere at ALL that you can cut or combine, tighten. See if you can bring it into the low 90s at the very least. But if you ABSOLUTELY think you need this amount of words to describe things, than by all means keep it, but I’ve found the more I write, the better I get at tightening and I end up cutting a lot of stuff I don’t need. I cut 10k out of my last WIP. Just saying.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Okay, all in all you’ve done your research on queries, this is in a good format. It’s in a good length. You’ve got the essentials done. The part that’s missing is I have no clue what this story is about. I haven’t seen the plot. All I know is that there’s a girl, named Ellysa, who’s a genetically engineered soldier that’s had something strange happen that makes her question her ideals.
I don’t know why that’s happened? What this means? Or how she feels about it. In fact I don’t get much of your voice in this at all.
I feel nothing for your main character, so I don’t have that WANT to keep reading. If there were pages attached, I’d probably read further, but I may not. As I don’t feel vested in your character enough from the query to care. I.E. No Hook.
Also, it sounds very much like every other girl soldier dystopian on the shelves. How is this DIFFERENT from everyone else?
Go back to some books you’ve read lately. What made you want to read that book? The book blurb, right? How did it catch your interest? Try to capture that and put it in your query. Good luck!
Well, the day has arrived! Are we excited?! :D Please carefully read the submission guidelines. I will only take the first fifty (50) entries. Keep an eye on this post where I will let you know how many entries I currently have. The contest is open from NOW! until either I get 50 entries or until Tuesday at 0800 EST.
While this contest is only open to those with a finished manuscript, anyone who wishes to offer critiques on the query and/or first 250 words may and would be strongly appreciated.
PRIZES:
First place: Critique and consideration of Full Manuscript
Second Place: Critique of the first 50 pages
Third Place: Critique of the first 25 pages
Recap of the rules:
All excerpts submitted to the Secret Agent contest must be a query letter (no more than a page long) and the first 250 words of your COMPLETED manuscript.(VERY IMPORTANT! The manuscript MUST be completed.)
Your submission must include your screen name and the title, genre, and word count of your novel.
By emailing your submission to me, you are giving implicit permission to have your work posted and publicly critiqued.
No submissions will be accepted prior to the opening of the contest. The maximum number of entries per contest is 50 submissions.
Winners of previous contests may not submit the same manuscript in future contests.
All contest entrants are required to critique a minimum of five other entries.
No attachments are accepted. Your query and 250 submission must be pasted into the body of your email
Last minute details:
Use this address for your entries: secretagentcontest@gmail.com
Make the subject of your email Secret Agent Contest
NO ATTACHMENTS!!! Paste your query and first 250 in the body of the email only. If I get an attachment you will not be entered into the contest.
You will receive a confirmation email. (It may not be right away, but if you've made it into the first 50, you will get an email stating I received it and what number you were.)
I will not make changes to your query or first 250 after you've sent it, so please make sure it's the best it can be before you send it.
Address the agent as Secret agent.
Put your query first, separate using the stars (***) and then place your first 250.
I think I've covered anything, but feel free to ask any questions you have in the comments ONLY. Do NOT send me an email. If you absolutely have a question that you feel you can't ask in a public forum, make sure to make the subject of your email QUESTION in ALL CAPS. Thanks.
Just a quick post today. Here's what my query letter looked like all put together when I sent it to my agent.
DearNatalie Fischer: (SALUTATION: REMEMBER TO PERSONALIZE THIS HERE. DO NOT MASS EMAIL. SEND TO ONE AGENT AT A TIME!!)
You'd think imagining a handsome stranger in your rearview mirror, crashing through a guardrail, careening into murky waters, and then being rescued by the same imaginary boy--who gives his name as Jackson--would be bad enough. But for seventeen-year-old Lily Baker, that’s just the start of her problems. (HOOK: GRAB THE READERS ATTENTION)
After coming home from the hospital, Jackson starts showing up in reflective surfaces — mirrors, puddles, windows, you name it. Lily, fearing others will think she’s crazy, keeps the visions to herself. After all, they’ll just go away if she ignores them, right? Not if Jackson has anything to say about it. And it isn’t long before he convinces her he’s real. The more time she spends staring into her mirror, the more she realizes she’s falling in love with a boy her family and friends insist is nothing more than shadows in her mirror and the hallucinations of her healing head injury. (SYNOPSIS: EXPLAIN ENOUGH OF THE BOOK TO GET THEIR INTEREST. END ON A HOOK)
MIRROR IMAGE is a science fiction romantic young adult novel, complete at 83,000 words. With a mix of Alice In Wonderland, The Phantom of the Opera, and Romeo & Juliet, this is a story of love that knows no bounds. Time, space, even the very fabric of reality cannot stop it. (BOOK DETAILS)
My young adult book, under the working title FALLEN, has been offered a contract from XXX. We are currently undergoing negotiations. I am a member of the RWA and CFRW. (PERSONAL BIO)
(PERSONALIZATION WOULD NORMALLY GO HERE)
Per your guidelines, I have enclosed a synopsis and the first 50 pages. Thank you for your generous time. I look forward to hearing from you soon. (TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE INCLUDING AND THANK THEM FOR THEIR TIME.)
Sincerely,
(MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND CONTACT INFORMATION.)
And we’re back for Part 4 of my query letter workshop. As always, remember what worked for me, may not work for you as all agents are different and want different things. ALWAYS read the agents/editors guidelines for their recommendations.
Let’s talk about your bio. First the things you can and should include . Other manuscripts, short stories, poems, articles that you’ve published. List the title and whom you sold it to. If it’s a book, make sure to list sales numbers. They’re going to want to know you write something that sells.
Also include if you belong to any writers groups like the RWA (Romance Writer’s of America), the SCBWI (Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators), MWA (Mystery Writers Association), HWA (Horror Writers Association), SFWA (Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers association), etc. (I suggest joining one or a few of these organizations, because they offer great support and information. My RWA chapter gives wonderful workshops once a month, which has really helped my writing.)
If you’re an expert in something that’s pertinent to what you’ve written. For instance, you were in the army for 20 years and went to Afghanistan and you’ve written a book about a corporal in the Army who’s been deployed to that same area. They’re going to want to know that.
Things NOT to include in your query: what your English grades were in school. That this is your first ever “fiction novel”. That you’re the next JK Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Steven King, etc. That you’re in prison. This list goes on and on.
When in doubt, leave it out. If they offer representation and want to know, they’ll ask.
If you have no relative experience, you’ve never published anything, don’t belong to any official writer’s groups, and therefore have no official bio, leave this area blank. It’s better to not list anything than to list the fact that you’re a newbie.
At the time, I was considering a contract for my book, THE EXILED (then titled FALLEN). Since it didn’t work out for various reasons, I never signed, but this is what my bio looked like when I queried my agent.
My young adult book, under the working title FALLEN, has been offered a contract from XXX publisher. We are currently undergoing negotiations. I am a member of the RWA and CFRW.
And now onto the salutation. All you want to do here is thank them for their time and let them know you look forward to hearing from them. Don’t add what you have to offer them, like an offer for the full or partial, or a synopsis. They know—or hope—that you have a full manuscript ready and polished for them and they’ll request whatever it is that they normally request.
If they want a certain number of pages, make sure to let them know you’ve followed their guidelines and have included xx number of pages.
Here’s what mine looked like:
Per your guidelines I have enclosed a synopsis and the first 50 pages. Thank you for your generous time. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Then you want to close the letter with “Sincerely” and your name and contact information.
Then include whatever they’ve requested and you’re done.
Tomorrow, I’ll show you what the whole thing should look like, if you’ve followed my advice and a list of resources you can use to help you write that letter if you don’t want to follow my advice, including my own agent’s template for how she wants to see queries.
Hello and welcome back for another installment on my query letter writing “workshop.” Please remember that all agents are different and what works for me, may not work for you!
So, now onto the next part of your letter. They synopsis. So you’ve drawn in the agent with your hook and they want to keep reading and find out what’s going on with your book.
This is the most difficult part of the letter for me. Because you want to give the agent enough to realize what the plot is, but not so much you give it all away. Basically, you want to have a back of the book blurb here. You also want to end this on a hook. And in this particular synopsis you don’t want to give the ending away. Make it sweet and simple, yet fascinating.
Grab the agent’s attention and make them want to read the pages you’ve included or make them want to request them if they only have the query.
However, avoid using rhetorical questions. Agents tend to frown on it.
Most people say the synopsis should be no more than a paragraph, but it’s probably okay to have two if you absolutely need it. Try for one though, if you can. Remember there’s still more you need to include in letter besides the book stuff, and you only get a page to do it.
Here’s an example of the synopsis I used for Mirror Image:
After coming home from the hospital, Jackson starts showing up in reflective surfaces — mirrors, puddles, windows, you name it. Lily, fearing others will think she’s crazy, keeps the visions to herself. After all, they’ll just go away if she ignores them, right? Not if Jackson has anything to say about it. And it isn’t long before he convinces her he’s real. The more time she spends staring into her mirror, the more she realizes she’s falling in love with a boy her family and friends insist is nothing more than shadows in her mirror and the hallucinations of her healing head injury.
As you can see that even though my story is written in first person, past tense, the synopsis needs to be in third person, present tense. Always. I can’t think of any exception to that rule.
Also, note there’s a lot of my character’s voice in this. Lily is funny and a smart alec, but she has a romantic side, too. Not to mention a bit of stubbornness. If I’ve done this part right, you can see all this.
This is what you strive for. You want to SHOW the agent what your book is about. If it’s a comedy don’t just say it’s funny. Show that in your letter.
Okay, tomorrow, the details about your manuscript and personalization.
As promised here’s day one of my Query letter writing “workshop” for my secret agent contest. Since it’s the beginning, I figured it was only fitting to talk about beginnings.
Keep in mind there is no secret formula to writing queries, all my knowledge comes from my own writing and what I found worked for me. Each agent is different, and each agent will want different things.
Also, keep in mind that while you want to catch the agent’s attention, you don’t want to be gimmicky. Avoid using colored paper, glitter, or sending cookies or anything else with the letter. It should be just as professional as if you were writing a cover letter for a job interview.
Margins should be 1” wide all around and the letter should be no longer than one page, single-spaced. Don’t forget to include your contact information somewhere in your letter. Usually below your signature.
In normal circumstances, it’s important to do some research before submitting, don’t just carbon copy everyone in the writing business. Personalize each query to each individual agent and send each query separately.
Now onto the first paragraph. Some like to say why they’re querying right here, but I don’t agree. The top of the letter is valuable real estate! You want to make it as eye catching as possible. And most agents know why you're querying them. You want them to offer representation!
So, I suggest opening your book with your hook.
Since the query for Mirror Image is what eventually got me my agent (along with the manuscript pages) I’ll use that as an example:
“You'd think imagining a handsome stranger in your rearview mirror, crashing through a guardrail, careening into murky waters, and then being rescued by the same imaginary boy--who gives his name as Jackson--would be bad enough. But for seventeen-year-old LILY BAKER, that’s just the start of her problems.”
As you can see, I only give a little bit of information here, but it’s enough to capture said agent’s attention and hopefully make him/her keep reading.
That’s the goal here folks, is to make the reader (whomever it may be) to keep reading.
Here’s another example of a hook. This is one from my new WIP.
"For EMILY BRIAR the rules are simple: life is short, death is never-ending and absolute, and second chances are almost never given. But when teenagers start walking around without their souls, that’s all about to change."
Do you see something interesting about the names? Names in the synopsis and query are in all caps the first time they are mentioned, as is the title of the MS.
Also, it’s important that you double, even triple check your query for spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors. Even have another person read it to make sure it’s perfect. Nothing turns people off like errors in your query and it’s a good way to get an auto-reject.
Tomorrow we’ll talk about the synopsis of the query.
I don’t know if a lot of you have seen my posts lately, but I’m finally out on submission.I say finally like it hasn’t been a blink of an eye since I found my wonderful agent.But I want to clear up a few misconceptions I’ve been noticing lately.First, my agent isn’t my agent because I paid her.In fact I will never pay her.She will pay me—in a matter of speaking.
The way an agent works is she looks through her (used loosely.There are wonderful male agents as well) slush pile (the stack of unsolicited manuscripts, partials or query letters they receive) to find something that interests her.Usually it’s with a query letter so we’ll start there.She reads the query letter and decides she likes it enough to read more.
Now with my agent she had the first 50 pages and my synopsis, so she was able to keep going.From the query she read my first 50, determined she liked it, and then read my synopsis. Since she liked that as well, she asked for the rest.After reading the rest, she offered me representation.
When I accepted, she sent me her notes.I edited my MS based on those notes and sent it back.Then she read it through again, sent me her notes, and I edited it again and sent it back.This process can keep going for awhile folks, but in my case it’s stopped here and we moved onto submission.Now it’s in her hands and I feel a little awkward.
Why?Because it’s a little like the querying process to find an agent, but it’s in someone else’s hands now.She’s doing all the work.Researching where and who to submit to, when to nudge, perfecting the pitch letter, etc.I’m perfectly confident she’s going to find me the perfect match for my MS, but it’s hard relinquishing control like that.But that’s why you want your agent to understand you, your MS, and love your MS as much as you do.
So you may have noticed I have not once mentioned money exchanging hands.And that’s because it hasn’t.I have not paid her a single penny.She is essentially working for me for free.
How does she get paid, you may ask?Well, she gets paid when I do.When a publisher makes an offer it’s usually offering an advance and then a royalty off the cover price of the book.Since my agent will make 15% of everything I make, including the advance, it’s in her best interest to get the best deal.
The publisher will send her a check with my advance; she takes her 15% and then gives the rest to me.It will be the same with royalties.So as you see, I never pay her anything.
As you might have guessed that is why agents are so picky.They are essentially working for free until your MS sells.If it doesn’t sell, then they don’t make money.So they need to find MSs they fall in love with so they can champion it properly.
So, how can you make sure yours gets picked up?Write a good book, get feedback on said book and edit appropriately.Research agents thoroughly and query widely. Be patient.In the meantime, write a new and better book and start the whole process over again.Eventually you will get picked up.
I hope this shed some light on agents and how they work.So how about you?What’s your experiences been like?I’d love to hear from you.
Tomorrow, contests.What they’re about and how they can help you in your career.
~JA
If you’re an agent, editor, or author and would like to do an interview or guest blog with me please contact me at j.souders (at) jasouders (dot) com
As most of you know, I’m on Twitter, and lately I have found it to be an invaluable resource. Not just for getting my name out there, but also for learning things I never knew.
Yes, you heard me right. I actually learned something from Twitter. It isn’t just me wasting time as I hit writer’s block. You see, I follow several agents and not just because they’re considering my work or I want them to. Some of them don’t even rep. the type of work I write, or they have already rejected me. But I follow them because they give me an insider view of what’s going on in the world of agenting and publishing.
Which leads me to my posting today. A lot of them have been complaining lately of the queries they’ve been receiving, and it seemed so silly that they would be. I mean most people research the agents they’re querying, right? Most read the submission directions and only query one agent per query letter, right? They don’t get angry for responding too quickly or with a rejection, right?
Uh, no. No, they actually don’t.
And my question is why. Why would someone query twenty agents at once on the same letter? Why would someone submit an adult manuscript to an agent that states they only take children’s literature? Or send screenplays to an agent that only takes manuscripts?
Now I know none of you do this, so I’m probably preaching to the choir, but I thought I’d take time today to go over the importance of following the rules.
First and foremost, research the agents you want to query. Make sure they rep the genre that you write. And then follow their guidelines. Most agents’ websites clearly state what each particular agent is looking for and how they want you to submit. Some want just a query. Some want the query and the first five pages, or the query, a synopsis, and the first chapter, or some combination of the above. That’s why it’s important to follow their rules and not what you think they want.
On that note, let's move onto attachments. Most agents don’t want them, so if they want the synopsis and the first 5 pages, copy and paste them into the letter. When in doubt, copy and paste. Don’t send an attachment. There’s no quicker way to an autoreject than submitting an attachment when they don’t want them.
The same goes for when they ask for a partial or full. Follow their guidelines. Make sure you know how they want it. If they want it electronic, make sure to check what format. After you do your snoopy dance, please, please, please give your manuscript one more glance. This is especially true if they want it snail mail. Sometimes your printer can screw up and you’d never know. So, make sure it’s perfect before you send it. And follow their guidelines. I can’t say this enough. When in doubt, ask.
Now onto the hard part: rejection. It’s going to happen. Even if you’ve done the research and think that the agent is a perfect match for your work, they may feel differently. The biggest thing is don’t email back to argue. Even if you’re MSS is perfectly written, and is the next Twilight and you’re sure of it, and you think they’re idiots for rejecting you, that’s their prerogative. Their choice.
They may not have connected with the mss like they wanted, or they already have a client that is writing something similar or—well there’s a million different reasons you might get the big R. Just take whatever information they give you and move on. Use it if you agree or other’s have said the same thing, or disregard it for later.
Please don’t be like the guy who bashes agents in his blog for reasons that escape me. Or the guy everyone refers to as “The query stalker” who sends the same query over and over to the same agents several times a week. This isn’t getting them anywhere and is in fact, making it harder 1) for the agents to their jobs and 2) for the rest of us that want to make it in this biz to get there.
On a closing note, if by any chance you are one of these people, please, please, please stop. You aren’t getting anywhere. You’ve become a joke. They don’t care. Yes, they talk about you, yes you’re getting people to your blog, but if I can be so blunt, you’re morons. Spend the time you’re taking pissing these people off and improve your writing. Take classes, send your mss to critiquing sites(see my Links page for some excellent sites), do something other than what you’re doing. It isn’t working.
