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Monday, September 19, 2011

I'M PREGNANT (with a book)! or How book publishing is like expecting a baby.

Okay, so I was teasing a few weeks back on twitter about how me waiting for my book to be out on shelves was like being pregnant.  And I kept coming up with these different comparisions.  Then I started getting comparasions from former L & D nurse and fab crit partner Liz Czukas, and we both decided that I should totally do a blogpost detailing the entire process from writing the draft to book birthday.  So here it is.  I hope you enjoy it, or a least giggle a little.

Querying is like on-line dating.  You put up your best photo and make yourself sound 100 times better than you really are out there—that would be the query letter, minus the photo (don’t send photos of yourselves to agents, peeps.  That’s all kinds of creepy. :P).

You get a nibble and go on that first date.  That’s a partial request.  Sometimes the date is a total failure and you never want to see each other again.  That’s a rejection.  You go back and forth with updating your profile page and going out on first dates.  Of course, that would be revising that query and manuscript until it shines and looks NOTHING like it did in the beginning.

FINALLY you meet someone who’s pretty awesome and you go on more dates and maybe even become exclusive  (Whee!).  That’s a full request!  Yay! (Keep in mind while some agents do ask for exclusives, it is not a good idea for an author to grant it—IMO.  In dating, yeah, might want to consider that exclusive. :P) Sometimes, again, you realize that the person you’re with just isn’t right for you and you break up.  There’s that rejection again.  (BOO!)

But then, the unexpected but completely awesomest thing happens.  He/She asks you to marry him/her!  OMG!  That is, of course, the offer.  You accept and say I do (There’s no engagement period here folks. We’re talking running straight to the courthouse and getting married before that boy/girl can change their mind. :P).  That’s signing the contract.  

Now you get to have fun (I’m not going into details about what I mean here, I’m pretty sure every one can figure this part out by themselves.*Boom, chicka wow wow*)  and you go out on submission.

After possibly a few negative pregnancy tests, you finally get an offer from an editor and accept.  That’s TOTALLY the postive and doctor confirmed pregnancy test. 

Then is the hard work, you revise, revise, and revise.  That’s all those monthly visits to the OB. 

Then, OMG, you get a COVER!  Wow!  That’s the ultrasound.  And like any proud parent you show it off to anyone you can trap for 5 seconds.  All during this time, people are asking when you’re due, and how much longer.  And are you excited? What’s it’s name? 

Then, debut day/labor. Even though you think you’ve been ready for months, you wonder if you haven’t just lost your mind.  You panic and tell people you’ve changed your mind. You don’t really want to be a mom (author) any more, but it’s too late, because before you know you’ve got a beautiful bouncing baby (book) in your hot little hands and you’ve forgotten how much hard work it took you to get there and you can’t wait to do it all again.  Because the book (baby) is perfect, and you love it so much!

Okay, I’m guessing on some of these, because I haven’t gotten that far with my book yet.  I’m still happily at the OB visits and waiting for the happy day I’ll get my sonogram.  LOL.  HOWEVER, I’ve had 2 babies, so I’m pretty sure I know what happens on that side. LOL.