Hi again, everyone! I know I dropped off the face of the Earth for a bit, but I got distracted by first pass pages and shiny new ARCs!
As a writer, getting ARCs is a day we patiently (or in my case, not so patiently) wait for like a kid at Christmas. And finally being able to tear open that box, after attacking the UPS guy (which, if I'd been home, I probably would have done. I guess it's a good thing I was gone. :P), is such an awesome feeling.
I cried, laughed, hugged the books, then cried some more. I felt like a mama bear with cubs. Every time one of my family picked one up to look closer, I wanted to snatch them back and yell, "MINE! NO TOUCH!"
But I kept my hands firmly fisted in my t-shirt, so I wouldn't.
And while I didn't actually sleep with my ARC, I set it on my bedside table, so I could look at it every time I woke up during the night. Which was often.
I told everyone I could. I cried some more. I stared at it.
Then reality sunk in. This meant people were reading my book. People I didn't know. And I think I said something like this. "People are reading my book!"
Think about. "Oh crap! People are reading my book."
Instantly become nauseated and lightheaded and sit on the ground before I pass out.
My BIL, husband, and son were there when that happened and they laughed at me.
"Well, yeah, they're reading your book. Isn't that what you want?" my husband asked, still laughing.
"Yes! No! Oh, God, I don't know!" I bury my face in my hands and cry again, but this time I cry so much I can't breathe and freak out the hubby who decides the best thing to do is hide my ARCs.
LOL.
After a bit, I calmed down, but thinking about so many people I don't know reading Renegade still makes me feel a bit sick. I'm SO EXCITED that people are reading my book, but all my doubts and worries are flying up to hit me in the face.
What if I didn't explain this enough? What if I explained too much? Did I give this away? Is it boring? What if they don't like it? What if they do? Oh, God, what am I going to do when I get my first negative review? What will I do when I get my first positive one? What about all the things I fixed in the first pass pages? Will people remember that things change between the ARC and the final?
It was kind of like when I had my babies. I was SO EXCITED to be pregnant. I couldn't wait to see my little ones, but then I went into labor and went into full out panic mode.
Of course, ALL of this is out of my hands. And there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. And I wouldn't change it for the world. But it still scares the bejeebers out of me. Every time someone emails me, or @s me on Twitter, telling me they have my book. I'm 2 parts excited and 1 part scared out of my mind.
Don't get me wrong, though. I love it. I love hearing that people are reading my books, or wanting to. I love hearing how excited they are to get my ARC. Or how disappointed they were to go to the Tor booth at ALA, but all my ARCs were gone. It's a fantastic feeling to know people aside from me, my editor, and agent are excited about Renegade.
While I admit it's a little unnerving going from feeling almost euphoric down to mind-numbing terror in just a matter of a few seconds, it's also breathtaking. Like sitting and watching the sunrise at the beach.
I hope I never lose this feeling. I want to be like this EVERY. Single. Time. one of my books release.
Does this make me insane? :P
