tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post8895709918478636678..comments2023-10-25T06:34:59.182-04:00Comments on Angels and Demons and Portals. Oh My!: #36 THE BOOK OF GENERATIONS (REVISED)J.A. Soudershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17460557430817566294noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-2965485725924005152010-05-24T23:37:56.219-04:002010-05-24T23:37:56.219-04:00The query was compelling. It gave enough informati...The query was compelling. It gave enough information without giving away too much. The excerpt was amazing. I am blown away by the creativity and the beautiful writing. If I were an agent I would request a full for sure!Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13726586763569629811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-33813846682547355622010-05-20T17:44:43.298-04:002010-05-20T17:44:43.298-04:00The first time I read this, I was not compelled en...The first time I read this, I was not compelled enough to comment; this time all I can say is: Wow.<br /><br />The query immediately grabbed my attention; the first 250 retained it. If I were an agent, I'd want to read more to see if the gripping premise played out.<br /><br />Good work. :)<br />DeborahDeborah Smallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582655689614863667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-43399075503566031592010-05-06T01:51:57.254-04:002010-05-06T01:51:57.254-04:00Query: I think you have an interesting and unique ...Query: I think you have an interesting and unique story, but I'm a little confused as to who the main character is, Eve or Thor? I'm guessing it's Eve and I wonder if reworking the second paragraph to emphasize her would resolve that. <br /><br />Otherwise, concise and compelling.<br /><br />Sample: I really like the idea of opening with Eve's creation and showing the disorientation of 'birth.' I love the foreshadowing of "There's a storm coming." This pulls me in and I'd read on. <br /><br />One little nitpick. You have: And underneath the warmth a steady beating that echoed inside her body. But there's no previous mention of Adam's body warmth.Monica Enderle Piercehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08906580310155422359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-27059605521667759922010-05-06T01:22:50.831-04:002010-05-06T01:22:50.831-04:00If I were an agent…
The query:
First sentence: ...If I were an agent…<br /><br />The query:<br /><br />First sentence: Either use a semicolon instead of that comma, or make this into two sentences. Punctuation is important. The better handle you have on it, the fewer times your agent will have to read over this manuscript catching errors so it can be clean enough to go on submission. Get a copy of “Eats Shoots & Leaves” by Lynne Truss and bone up on punctuation. Then go through your manuscript like an anal-retentive monster and fix all the punctuation errors before you query. Moving on…<br /><br />You have some small flaws with your query – grammatical issues that aren’t huge deals, but cleaning them up will only make you look more professional and appealing. That being said, I like the premise. This is the kind of story that has the potential to really appeal to me, and I’d be excited to read more even though the query isn’t as strong as it could be. <br /><br />The sample:<br /><br />Absolutely gorgeous writing. I’d request a full in a heartbeat. Please do tidy up your query so you don’t turn anybody off from requesting pages of this manuscript. Good luck with this one!<br /><br />I’d send this one on to the next round.Libbie H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16366896974551157202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-33295431505202123702010-05-05T19:49:11.943-04:002010-05-05T19:49:11.943-04:00I thought the query was well crafted. The twist on...I thought the query was well crafted. The twist on mythology by itself is compelling enough to pique interest. It definitely sells like a thrilling romantic fantasy.<br /><br />Your 250, however pulled me out a bit. Sentence fragments can be a great way to emphasize an idea. You use just a few too many of them for my tastes. The rhythm of the words becomes choppy in those places.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12030332511961876327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-84335996585868455302010-05-05T09:02:03.935-04:002010-05-05T09:02:03.935-04:00This line confused me: "Thor and the other No...This line confused me: "Thor and the other Norse gods did not arrive until long after Creation, but now that they’ve settled he has much to learn." I think b/c you refer to the group of gods and then say "he" has much to learn. <br />The idea though sounds really cool and your writing is great. The first 250 pulled me in more than the query.Jessie Harrellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11581727105030086814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-23256454595670570062010-05-04T19:28:12.847-04:002010-05-04T19:28:12.847-04:00I have to agree with the others. It really is an ...I have to agree with the others. It really is an imaginative twist to mythologies of old. <br /><br />I'm hooked. I'd read on.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07804306924674002487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-49850655288190561102010-05-04T13:17:14.473-04:002010-05-04T13:17:14.473-04:00WOW. That is an interesting twist on religious the...WOW. That is an interesting twist on religious themes and mythology. Your idea was also presented clearly.Brooklyn Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11285434689426722832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-74206653444898650372010-05-04T12:43:40.021-04:002010-05-04T12:43:40.021-04:00This sounds wonderful! I thought the query was in...This sounds wonderful! I thought the query was interesting and gave just enough away to make sense, but not so much that I didn't need to read the book.<br /><br />The first 250 read very well. I would absolutely read on. The first sentence in the last paragraph caused me to falter a bit. I can't put my finger on it to tell you exactly, but : where she was set down--just sounded strange to me.<br /><br />Good luck and well done!!Willow Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03343111758225818734noreply@blogger.com