tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post7439650535843407080..comments2023-10-25T06:34:59.182-04:00Comments on Angels and Demons and Portals. Oh My!: #9 BROKEN (REVISED)J.A. Soudershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17460557430817566294noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-85471081340184558022010-05-10T11:20:09.667-04:002010-05-10T11:20:09.667-04:00I think your query is very tight and concise, but ...I think your query is very tight and concise, but like the others I don't think the rockin' angels and mobster demons really fit with the rest of it. I love the voice in the sample, but I'm weary of starting a book with a prologue, not to mention one that starts so far in the past. That being said, I would probably request a partial and a synopsis at the very least. I'm all for a good angel story. Good luck!J.A. Soudershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17460557430817566294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-13000506990108706072010-05-09T23:01:39.440-04:002010-05-09T23:01:39.440-04:00I absolutely loved the hook line of the query and ...I absolutely loved the hook line of the query and I like the premise.<br /><br />I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the writer for the start in 1692 for what appears to be a book set in modern times. If the beginning wasn't titled 1692, I wouldn't have guessed it to be happening that long ago. It had a more contemporary feel, despite the use of the words breeches & fetters & the description of the Reverend. <br /><br />There is enough to interest me in the excerpt and I would definitely read more. I really want to know why the angel is standing in the freezing rain without a shirt.LK Griffiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05520319424741799928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-62307967162099355662010-05-05T23:21:50.348-04:002010-05-05T23:21:50.348-04:00I love this and I love the premise- but I've n...I love this and I love the premise- but I've never been a fan of the ancient time flash back to begin a story. <br /><br />I really like the line that begins with "Broken is a 90K". It's a great way to see angels as the rockstars and demons as the mobsters. Love it.Jordan Deenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03215115680997080250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-35780137384252245672010-05-05T19:54:15.399-04:002010-05-05T19:54:15.399-04:00The query was excellent. I agree with the "r...The query was excellent. I agree with the "rockin' angels, mobster-like demons" it didn't seem to fit the rest of the query.<br /><br />The beginning was nice and an interesting premise. I felt bad for the angel.J.S. Woodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09231458559331295121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-26773213283122968302010-05-05T14:36:59.145-04:002010-05-05T14:36:59.145-04:00I thought it was wonderful! Well done. Both the ...I thought it was wonderful! Well done. Both the query and the sample were right on!<br /><br />Good job!Willow Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03343111758225818734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-58619401095034463602010-05-05T01:12:33.594-04:002010-05-05T01:12:33.594-04:00If I were an agent…
The query:
I liked it up unti...If I were an agent…<br /><br />The query:<br />I liked it up until the “rockin angels and mobster-like demons.” That doesn’t fit with the tone of the rest of your query – I’d get rid of it.<br /><br />The sample:<br />Nothing here really grabs me, but I liked the idea presented in the query enough that I’d request more.Libbie H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16366896974551157202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-26812999339758497452010-05-04T18:16:43.484-04:002010-05-04T18:16:43.484-04:00Love this! What a fantastic premise. Your query is...Love this! What a fantastic premise. Your query is very well-written with a great first-sentence hook. A few minor changes to the first 250 words, and you've really got something here. I definitely want to keep reading.KaraLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05037958842051839383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-107831093945470743.post-46166759395704514672010-05-04T11:46:26.675-04:002010-05-04T11:46:26.675-04:00I really like this and would love to read more. T...I really like this and would love to read more. The query was well done and the first 250 words were even better.<br /><br />Melissa MurphyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com